Goodbye 2009

" it's been a long December, and theres
reasons to believe maybe this year will be
better than the last.
note: this is now a repeated quote, but it has a purpose.

2009 was quite the year;

Between finding my one true love, becoming an Aunt, learning to let go of bad/abusive relationships, moving out on my own for the first time, getting my first tattoo, adopting Maya, and meeting my birth family... I can definitely say it was one worth remembering. Of course I had many other momentous experiences but if you know me well enough, I'm sure you've heard of them.


As for 2010, my resolutions are the following:
Keep the apartment cleaner.
Work out at least 3-4 times a week.
Pay all of my car payments on time.
Continue to ride as much as possible.
Work really hard in college.
Live each day to the fullest.
And finally, let go of my past.

Oh, and just for kicks this is my new car!! :)
It's a 2009 Mazda 3.I wish it were black, but oh well.
I can always get a paint job, lol.

Car Wreck

Whip lashed/put in a splint for two weeks.
And the Vicodin isn't working as well as it should.

Some guy pulled out of an alley and hit me pretty hard from the side. I lost control of my car and swerved up onto someone's yard and into/through a telephone pole. Power lines were knocked down and everything. The son of a bitch fled the scene. Thankfully I have both medical and car insurance, otherwise I'd be super pissed.

Obviously my car is totaled. The good news is that I'm going to get a much better car out of this and my insurance is giving me a rental for 30 days. For now though I don't even want to think about driving. I will be stuck in bed for a few days.

It's December!

My favorite month of a year.
A month that over the past few years has been a struggle.
December 2009, though, will be different.

Today is the day

I got maybe three hours of sleep last night, I am super nervous and now exhausted.
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
God I hope they like me.

One week

Until I meet my birth family.
I'm starting to freak out and second guess my decision.

Too soon, too late, too much, too long.
Oh dear.

Music

It's amazing how easily it can bring back the past.

It's love

I woke up to this sitting on the bed side table this morning,
how effing cute :)

MINI COOPER

It's decided, I'm getting one by Christmas.
I'm kind of obsessed.

10707

We survive by remembering,
but sometimes we survive by forgetting.

October

My 3 year anniversary of IP is tomorrow, great...

On a good note though, Kaylee is coming in town and we'll be ACLing it up :).

October.. October...
the seventh of October.
ugh.

Your lying

will get you absolutely no where with me.
Especially after all I have done for you.

I'm done being naive.
And you are now done being in my life.

I Love this<3.

Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steay away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.

++ Hitch

update

Sean's cooking dinner tonight.. I'll have a few drinks, watch Hell's Kitchen, and then make that phone call I've been dreading. I need to do it. I've been procrastinating for a few days now.

Saw Allison today, for the first time in two months. I realized how drastically my life has changed since June, it's rather absurd. There are many pieces to it that I miss, but hopefully that will change soon.

It's september...
:/

Time

So maybe the day's are just getting harder.
Perhaps they are just staying the same,
but it's definitely not any easier.

You can't force someone to love you.
I need to fucking realize this.

It's a harsh reality realizing you'd do just about anything for someone,
and they still wouldn't lift a finger.

(Because this stranger asked)
I'm Lucy;
It's hard for me to forget things that have mattered in the past. I forgive too easily. I sing random songs about random things without a care in the world. I live off of coffee and queso, I'm currently on a diet though so queso is forbidden. Belle and Maya are my little loves and If you don't like them, I won't like you. Justin is pretty cool but he's also expensive and fully belongs to Courtney, I'm just leasing him. You probably can't find my primary tickle spot, nor will I admit to it if you do. I work a lot, but I make bank. I buy expensive things too often, but I love them. I'm currently learning to let go and trust again. My heart is in the process of mending. I fear change. I hate being hated, I love too fiercely for my own good. 98% of the people in my life let me down. I expect promises to be broken. I bend over backwards for those I care about. I love the outdoors. The easiest way to piss me off is to push me in a pool or pull me into the shower and fuck up my hair. I take a lot of baths, and I'm a quoteaholic. Circa Survive is love. I know too much about motorcycles and I have no need for it. Mini Coopers are also love. I make a terrible first impression. I'm stubborn and I'm kind of addicted to pogo. My eating habits are shit. I buy a new phone every two months because I tend to wear them down too quickly. Slow computers really piss me off, and yes I'm a MAC person. I tend to contradict myself. Just because I asked you to leave doesn't mean I want you gone. It's the simple things in life that matter. I make up words with meanings you probably won't understand. I try too hard. I dream of the impossible and talk nonsense while drunk. I've been through a lot but it's only made me a stronger person. I'm extremely ambitious and honestly... I've always believed, even when I deny it.

The paragraph was not meant to flow, just an fyi.

WTF

I got a nasty phone call from my step mother EARLY this morning, not even on my phone! She had the nerve to call Sean's phone. (I am getting my blackberry in a few hours)

She made me late for work over a god damn facebook status that was an inside joke between Sean, Sean's awkward roomate, and myself that read;

"Hey Jeff, would you ever think I would have a priest for a father?"
"It's possible..."
"Well, I did. Then he had an affair HAHAH."

DEAR LISA,
I AM SORRY YOU MARRIED A MAN THAT HAD AN AFFAIR AND LEFT HIS FAMILY. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE TRYING TO HIDE IT FROM THE WORLD

God damn. This is not the first time that she has started hell over a Facebook status. I would delete her but she would make a huge deal about it. I'll admit the status was a little on edge and I wouldn't have posted it or really thought it was funny if I hadn't been drunk, but regardless. She needs to stay out of my damn business.

:)
K cool.

I am so tempted;

In Fear And Faith

Can we last through the winter?
The water's starting to freeze.
The only one who remembers
Taking the wrong step, falling in front of me.
This body's already aging.
These nights are all ready long.
And if I last through the winter,
I swear to you now, I won't call.

Congratulations, go home now.

Will we last through the winter?
Will we make it to see?
I never wanted a partner and I never loved you,
Now you are free to leave.
This heart is already frozen,
I can't remember to fall.
And if I last through the winter,
I swear to you now, I won't call.

Congratulations, go home now.

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.
Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.
It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.
Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It must be buried under the heart
That makes this pace consistent.
You'll find it torn, that gate's been opened?
I've been wondering if you've been real with us.

It's too late
It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.
Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.
It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.
Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It's start, stop and go you've been dying for, you've been dying for.

Letting go.

Over all, I am fine. I am breathing, smiling, living. Over all, I am a strong girl with a big heart Over all, I seem to be okay with letting go. Over all this, over all that... but sometimes, it just shatters. My world crashes down and the my heart sinks. But I'm trying, god am I trying.

I guess I am just drunk and overwhelmed;
I got into an argument and felt my body tense up as it used to months ago. I sat curled up on the floor waiting to be slapped in the face, or for my lungs to cave in under the pressure of stronger hands. But It never came. Instead, a soft touch on my back. Followed by a, "Lucy baby it's me, I am not going to hurt you.. you are okay. We can get through this." I cried, I fucking bawled. I shouldn't be this way, I haven't always been this way, and he knows it. Sean tells me this all the time, yet there is so much I still don't understand, so much I have left to work through. I'm finally coming to the realization that I've been in denial for the past month that what happened in my past relationship was not okay. I've thrown it aside, and just not dealt with any of the underlying issues. Finally, though, it's all starting to surface.. just way too fast.

Water soothes me as it did my mother. I am trying to stay calm, trying to realize that I am worth it. I do deserve this happy, healthy relationship. I am trying not to let my two year burden ruin everything, as it has once before. I am a good person, I am a good girlfriend. I will be okay.

" And I'll send you your way, so you'll see why I love you."

Yeahhh, I make bank.

I went on a spending spree today.. to say the least.

At first I bought the Damier Speedy 30 for $725, but then changed my mind and bought the Louis Vuitton Tivoli GM for $1,470. Yeah, yeah... but I've been wanting a brand new Vuitton for a while.

It's love.

On a lesser note, Im kind of pissed because my new 16gb Ipod touch is now confirmed as stolen, and therefore long gone. UGH. I guess I'll just love on my bag for a month or so before I drop another $400 on another damn touch.

Damn Cute

My Dog is a parrot

She will seriously chill on your shoulder for hours.

<3.
Edit://

I really enjoyed tonight although I have been stuck at work. Old photographs and videos cracked me up to the point I burst out laughing and snorted even though there were customers in the retail. They probably thought I was crazy, and that within itself is also hilarious. I need to load all my old things onto my new laptop but just haven't gotten around to it. Maybe I'll bring a flash drive with me to work tomorrow, it will probably put me in a better mood since I have to be back here at noon. Ladedah. lovelove.

What happened to the queso?

I spent a few hundred dollars yesterday on Maya and Belle, but at least they are up to date on vaccinations. Sean loves little Maya and I think it's ridiculously cute. They'll sit with me on web cam while I'm at work and she just hops around all over him, I loveee it.
...

I just bought some expensive ass sirloin that I guess Sean will be cooking for dinner, and hopefully I won't get nearly as drunk tonight haha. Apparently I spoke nonsense last night for like two hours and woke up with the worst hang over of my life. If I weren't such an alcoholic, or dating an alcoholic (kidding kidding kidding) I might be able to lay low for a few days.. but that is not going to happen. In fact, I enjoy dating someone that actually drinks.

I'm ready to get off work and finally eat something now that my stomach is settled. Whatever happened to the queso last night I still don't know. Living across the street from Kerby Lane is bad bad bad.

Uh.
Hm.

A horny virgin (legit name) just friended me on myspace...
WTF.

Do you remember..

the things that I'll never forget?

So why don't we trace the footsteps back into our past with the ones we've lost?
Too many bad mistakes were made.
No one should have to take the fall for it, when it's our life to live.

I'm home

from Padre but now stuck back at work, LAME!

The weekend was rather eventful, definitely worth the 6 hour drive. I'm tan, relaxed, but exhausted haha. I hadn't been to the beach in years so I had a lot of fun. I've never been skinny dipping in the ocean before, and it was bad ass.... hahahaha.

I feel like everything is finally starting to come back together in my life. I'm happy again, finally. I don't have to wake up in fear and go to bed in tears anymore. I don't have to constantly worry about not being good enough, or messing up... being yelled at or slapped. I'm learning to trust again, I'm learning to love again. Sean has been so patient, so understanding, and so loving. He is everything I need and more. Everything is finally right.

"We'll pace the roads and we'll paint the skies.
Our path is plagued with discontent goodbyes.
We're striking the days so we can burn the nights
and I'll never look back on what I've left behind."

South Padre

I'm going to South Padre with Sean until Saturday, and maybe even Sunday. I've been wanting to go to the beach for months now so I am pretty pumped. My sister is going to watch Maya, so hopefully she with behave and not be too obnoxious.


Come rolling into town unaware
Of the power that you have over me
And what am I to do
With hello how are you
Nothing’s ever said that should be

And I don’t care about you
If you don’t care about me
We can go our separate ways
If you want to
The ties of love are strong
But they can be undone
And we’ll go our separate ways
If you want to

I’m turning into me, not you
I can change my mind not my blood
And not all who love are blind
Some of us are just too kind
We forgive too much
And never speak our minds

And I don’t care about you
If you don’t care about me
We can go our separate ways
If you want to
The ties of love are strong
But they can be undone
And we’ll go our separate ways
If you want to

I’m giving up on you
And I’ll turn my heart to something new
And we’ll go our separate ways
If you want to

I stood out in the rain
Holding my breath
Waiting for you
You never came
You broke my heart
You broke my heart
I know who’s to blame
You’re to blame

And I don’t care about you
If you don’t care about me
We can go our separate ways
If you want to
The ties of love are strong
But they can be undone
And we’ll go our separate ways
If you want to

<3

Sean is such a sweetheart. He bought me a ring from Tiffany and Co that is beautiful and he has just been spoiling me in love. I'm starting to remember who I am again, and it's great. Hopefully everything will start coming together this week and my life won't be so up in the air.

Sean and Maya, because they're just that cute.

...More later

Changes

Last weekend wasn't anywhere close to what I had expected it to be. Regardless, I handeled everything decently well and held myself together without falling apart until I got home.

I've come to the conclusion that I am still in denial that my birth mother is dead and have only been dealing with it apparently while intoxicated, or asleep. Hopefully in time I will be able to explore what is really going on with my emotions regarding her death, but for now it's just not possible. I loved meeting Kristen though, we definitely had an instant connection. She is the perfect sister... I really couldn't ask for more.

After visiting my mother's grave Kristen and I saw an angel in the sky, and she was missing her right hand... just like my mother. It sent chills down my spine. Here is a picture of the angel, shes facing with her back to the camera:

As for camp, the weekend had it's ups and downs. I bear napped brown bear and carried him around with me all weekend, it was hard giving him back to Kayleigh but oh wellll. I adore her and he is hers now. All of TR 08 carried our willed animals around and I swear people in Crossville though we were crazy, but we didn't care. It's tradition. I suppose going back to camp as a visitor was just shocking to all of us. I'll be back a counselor next summer though, so I did my best to deal, haha.

Exhaustion

I got maybe an hour of sleep last night and I'm finally slipping into bed at this sketchy Days INN with Hayden and Emily. Today was definitely go, go go, but I loved every minute of it. I've missed camp a ridiculous amount and I'm ecstatic to be up here. I'm going to pass out so I will finish this tomorrow sometime.

I bear napped brown bear, he is with me tonight. I feel whole again. Haha.

Reunion weekend is finally here

and I couldn't be more excited.

Not only am I seeing my TR girls, and spending some much needed time at camp, I'm also meeting my birth sister and my aunt for the first time. I'm pretty much a nervous wreck right now, but hopefully I'll relax a bit once I get up there. Today has been stressful, but I'm almost done packing. My flight takes off at 7 am, fmlll. I'm probably just going to stay up and chill in the hot tub.

I bought some new dresses dresses, a 16gb Ipod touch, and more make up. When I get back I'm going to get my hair trimmed and shape it up a bit. If you can't tell already I'm working on some much needed changes.

If you need to get a hold of me message me on facebook/myspace and I'll give you the number to the phone I'm using this weekend, my service provider doesn't work up there :/.

Wishh me luck <3.

It's been a long time

since I have written.
I figured a new post was necessary.

Michael and I are done for good. I won't be mentioning his name anymore past the post, I am finally ready to completely move on. I have spent too much time, too much money, and too many heart broken nights on his selfish ungrateful ass. I need someone who appreciates me for all I have to offer, and he really couldn't care less. Michael brings out the worst in me, and I deserve better. I can't be with someone who uses my weaknesses and insecurities against me, you know?

So, starting over. I'm going to start leasing Justin from Courtney, going downtown, and going to school. I will continue to make a lot of money, and love every minute of it.

PLUS, I'm going to reunion weekend on friday, I am totally and entirely PUMPED. I'm buying new dresses for it tomorrow, I can't wait.

"I come to this place to find myself,
It's to easy to get lost in the world."

Slightly intoxicated

for the first time in two weeks, its nice.

Tim called me today from rehab in New York. Of course my phone died right in the middle of the conversation, but I hope he is doing alright. It's good he's finally in rehab, even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be there.

I spent way too much money today, but whatever.
$350-something... woohoo

I need sleep.
God I wish smirnoff didn't have so many damn calories.

sound familiar?

Just one more moment

That’s all that’s needed
Like wounded soldiers
In need of healing
Time to be honest
This time I’m bleeding
please don’t dwell on it
Cuz I didn't mean it

I can’t believe I said I’d lay our love on the ground
but it doesn’t matter cuz I’ve made it up
Forgive me now
Everyday I spend away
My soul’s inside out
Gotta be someway that I can
Make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you know that
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to
And I’d fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'll always come for you

I was blindfolded
But now I’m seeing
My mind was closing
Now I’m believing
I finally know just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if you’re ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

By now you know that
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to
And I’d fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I’ll always come for you
You know I’ll always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember
You know I’ll always come for you

Yes I’d come for you
No one but you,
Yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to

And I’d fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I’ll always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember
You know I’ll always come for you

I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember
You know I’ll always come for you
You know I’ll always come for you

The Number 3.

Yesterday the scale I was weighed on (while fully dressed) was 3 pounds over the zero line (like before I even stepped on the scale), plus the fucking nurse added 3 pounds to my actual weight, because I was 3 pounds within that HUGE NUMBER.

I wanted to die right then and there.
...and slap the shit out of her.

I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT GOD DAMN NUMBER EVER A-FUCKING-GIN.

Thankfully I spent 50 some-odd dollars on diet pills today.

I'm fat, fat, fat.
FAT. FAT. F A T.

I had Maya with me out at the barn yesterday, kind of risky but whatever.

When she went with me to catch my horse some of the bigger dogs were chasing her, playfully, and the little twerp ran straight into the round pen and jumped in a water trough. Yes, my 2.5 pound chihuahua jumped into a water trough. It was hilarious, and the first time I've really laughed in a week. She came out soaked, and without a care in the would.

Fitting.

I don't care about the run on sentence, ps.
("my" horse, aka the horse I was riding for clarification since some people .. ah nevermind)

I desperately need to get outside.

I need to think, I need clear my mind.

(I need, I need, I need.)

I suppose I'll go hike the greenbelt tomorrow...
or maybe I'll take a few days and go to the beach.
Thank god for days off of work.

(Can I rewind time, please?)

I've come to find that I'm never able to live in the moment. I'm always focused on the past or the future. I need to work on the now. There may never be a better time than the present.

I'm aware my entry doesn't flow, it's jotted down in pieces. I really don't care.

...I hope you know that somebody loves you

Everything

Love

“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

— Chuck Klosterman

So long, childhood.

It's time to start living my life.
Goodbye.

My reasons

for not writing are pretty "knotty" to be quite honest.

If you can somewhat comprehend what this means, then good for you. If not, I'm sorry. Perhaps I'll write again when my thoughts are consistent, and I can make sense to someone other than myself.

I'm lost.
Come find me.

My silence

stems from far more than you could ever imagine.
P.s. I love you.

Confusion

Ambivalence, uncertainty; having what I thought I wanted.

Tear me up, I'll tear you down.

I'm afraid this will get the best of me.

I don't have answers, only incoherent justifications.

I'm sitting in Seans apartment

he's busy working on his English essay.

Interesting day. I have a new addition to my little family. His name is bear. He's a seven week old Long Haired Chihuahua, and absolutely adorable. Kassi and I fell in love with him at first sight. I was originally going to get this Pomeranian but the guy trying to sell her was a complete asshole. Needless to say, bear is much cuter and such a little flirt. He's a 2 pound brown and white ball of fluff. Plus, he waddles and hops around my apartment and then falls over.. can't get much cuter than that.

Short entry, I'm going to go cuddle with Sean now. Chao

I've been so busy

it's rather exhausting.

Between riding, work, prepping for school, and moving in with Emily.. plus spending time with Sean I'm practically dead. I miss my bestfriend :(.

I was beyond stressed out last night, almost to the point I couldn't function. I went to Sean's after stopping by my mom' s house and he was super sweet to me. He surprised me with my favorite candy, made me some fabulous tea tea, and read to me while rubbing my back as I laid on his chest. By the time I left, I felt much better.

I'm financially stressed. How I'm supposed to afford rent, pay for my lessons, and for the coming show season I'm not sure. I talked briefly about it with my mom and she agreed to pay for some of my lessons but still. I'm switching either to the HEB close to my apartment, or working as a Vet Tech and Highlands Medical Clinic.

Stacie worked my butt off yesterday during the lesson. My back is so sore, haha. Belle and I are laying on my heating pad while doing laundry. Thank goodness today has been a low key day, I definitely needed the time off.

I had

a dream last night that we crossed paths.

At first I didn't know what to say, I was speechless. However, you immediately began talking and informing me of all the recent happenings in your life. I spoke briefly, but primarily just sat there wide-eyed. I woke up and have been curious all day as to what I would do if I ever did see you again, probably nothing. Freeze up, maybe.

It's amazing how quickly two people can become strangers.

Craziness

I've been staying up in north Austin with Emily. I had to get out of the house for a little while, it was too crazy. We've been riding and having fun. The first two nights we went to parties, and last night we went to Walmart for fucking two hours. I just sat in the basket while she and her friend went school supplies shopping and bought things for their apartment. It was pretty entertaining. I'll probably go home in the next few days. Hopefully by then Taylor will have calmed down and such.

A particular someone comes home from D.C. tonight which is exciting. Actually, it's a little ironic because usually I'm the one flying back from Washington. I'll go pick up emily from ACC and then go see him. I'm so jealous, he saw so many famous people on his trip. Nothing exciting ever happens when I go up there.

I miss my little one, and always having wireless internet at my fingertips.
Oh, and of course KASSIANN!

I am so overwhelmed.

Taylor either needs to move back out of the house, or quit being a second mother. She is even more terrible than she was before, and I can't handle it anymore. Pregnant or not, she is way too intrusive. I don't care about her raging hormones. Everything I do that could possibly get me in trouble she points out to my mom.

"Lucy's room isnt clean!"
"Lucy slept into 12 this afternoon!"
"Lucy came home past curfew!"
"Lucy didn't really go to work, where is her HEB shirt?"
"Lucy is drunk mom! Shes high too!" (I don't even smoke.)
It is beyond ridiculous. Seriously, she needs to fucking mind her own business and quit making me feel like crap just because she screwed up and is unhappy with her life.

I went last night to pick up my friend from a party because she was drunk and didn't want to drive. Taylor went and told my mom that I snuck out of house and now my mom will be taking away my keys from me at night. Whatthefuck. My sister is 21 years old, and is acting like a little 12 year old brat.

Thank God I am going riding tomorrow, I need to blow off some steam.

I have heard,

"Lucy, you're teeny tiny."

From more people lately than I have in a long time. Just out of the blue they will squeeze, "You're tiny," into their comments. I can't say I don't like it. I like being tiny. I like small things. I could shrink and be happy, like Alice and Wonderland.

Whoa, dechavu.
This won't be the most self explanatory blog entry ever.

Risk:

• hazard: a source of danger; a possibility of incurring loss or misfortune.
• a venture undertaken without regard to possible loss or injury.
• expose to a chance of loss or damage.
  
• gamble: take a risk in the hope of a favorable outcome.

I'm tipsy baby

Congratafuckinglations to me.
not really.

I'm getting ready to go to Magnolias, great.
I really want a 600, yeah you heard me right.
I miss the boy, like a lot. Wednesday, Wednesday<3.
I hope I sell my Chanel watch tomorrow!
I love you, K!

- The End

New Phone number

I love my best friend.

She is amazing. We've been through a lot, more than most people could fathom. I can honestly say most friendships wouldn't be able to survive through what happened to us, but here we are better than ever. I love you Kassiann!

I HAVE A NEW PHONE NUMBERR!
Yesterday was terrible. I sold my blackberry thinking it would fix my text messaging problem and bought a Palm Treo 755 WITHOUT KNOWING THE SOFTWARE ON IT IS RETARDED! Well, it turns out it wasn't even my phone that was causing the texting problem. It had something to do with my old phone number which sucks the big one. So now I'm blackberryless and stuck with this stupid ass phone. LAME. I decided to just change my number considering that fact that if I kept my old one I would never be able to text Sprint or ATT people. If you want my new one, ask mee<3.

Ill update more later.

And this is why

I quit drinking coffee. Aside from the fact it's bad for my heart.. I start talking, and can't stop. So here we go;

I am getting my new Gucci bag today, it's so beautiful. The only downside is I will be out the ass poor and I really need to get my nails redone but oh well. I suppose I could sell the Chanel J12 watch (obviously for more than the price of a manicure). Screw the sentimental value bullshit and don't remind me it was basically impossible to get. It's not like I wear it, or have any use for it. The freaking watch is just sitting there. So, if anyone wants it let me know. Click here to see it

After the purse extravaganza I'm seeing the boy which will be amazing as always. We're going to have a movie marathon and get fat, haha.

Wow, this was relatively short. Fabulous.

YOU, yes you

[Insert angry rant about you here]

I deleted it for my own sake.

But anyway I would like to present my new Gucci bag, which is love. Most definitely my favorite one yet. I am either getting it tonight or tomorrow, and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED! The thought of it is making my day a 23 billion times better considering the circumstances. If you don't know why, ask me. I hate needles I hate needles. I hate needles. And yes, I am aware more people read this blog then just the bestie :)

Tomorrow will be super busy

I need to go to the doctor, get my nails redone, get heart worm pills for belle, clean my room, see Allison, put my Gucci bag and Blackberry on craigslist (I'm buying a new phone, and a better Gucci bag), cash my check from Gucci, go to Nordstroms and get UGG cleaner, hopefully see Kassiann, then go visit a few people that feel like I've been leaving them out. I highly doubt I will get all of this done.. but oh well.

I've been sick all day so my level of writing a somewhat intellectual entry has gone to the dogs. Regardless, a few short things.

- I am getting super annoyed that my phone STILL is not receiving text messages from Sprint or ATT users. It is obviously getting to the point where I am willing to sell my blackberry Curve for a phone that is not nearly as high end. Fuckmylife! Haha.

- Taylor living back at home is already becoming a mess of its own. She thinks she is entitled to be a bitch 24/7 because she is pregnant, and I can't take much more of it. I love her, but she treats me like shit and all I've done is be supportive.

- It will sell better plain.

I love you KASSIANN! I am here for you! Call me and make sure my little ass gets up in the morning.

-

I have been

so tired lately, and I hate it. It's like what, 11:15 and I'm about to pass out. Sure, I drank a teeny bit but definitely not enough to make me this exhausted. I fell asleep way too early last night as well and missed out on all the festivities. Maybe I can talk Belle belle or Panda into stealing some of their energy, haha.

Ill continue this tomorrow.

New York City

was AMAZING.

Today while walking down Madison Avenue it started snowing hardcore, I was most definitely in love. Starbucks on every block, a four story Juicy couture, could I have been any happier? I went in Tiffany and Co and took the elevator up a few floors and had the Elevator man sing to me, talk about hilarious. The Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Burberry, Bloomingdales, Prada, Stuart Weitzmen, Gucci (etc.) stores I have been to in Texas are nothing in comparison to the even more upscale New York version. Times Square was fabulous, fabulous, fabulous. Wicked on Broadway was incredible, and I was so beyond entertained by the gigantic ferris wheel inside the Toys R Us. [click here] China Town and Little Italy were crazy, but in a good way. After shopping, we went to the Italian restaurant that was in the movie Big Daddy, I had my picture taken with Jorge haha.

I went to ground zero and saw all the work that is being done. The new architecture is going to be beautiful. I spent a lot of time looking at all the little memorials, and it really gave me a more in depth perspective. Never take anything or anyone for granted, our time here in uncertain.

I come home tomorrow, I can't wait. I miss NYC already, but I am definitely taking a week this summer and going back with some friends! Lets starting planningg <3.