Your lying

will get you absolutely no where with me.
Especially after all I have done for you.

I'm done being naive.
And you are now done being in my life.

I Love this<3.

Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steay away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.

++ Hitch

update

Sean's cooking dinner tonight.. I'll have a few drinks, watch Hell's Kitchen, and then make that phone call I've been dreading. I need to do it. I've been procrastinating for a few days now.

Saw Allison today, for the first time in two months. I realized how drastically my life has changed since June, it's rather absurd. There are many pieces to it that I miss, but hopefully that will change soon.

It's september...
:/

Time

So maybe the day's are just getting harder.
Perhaps they are just staying the same,
but it's definitely not any easier.

You can't force someone to love you.
I need to fucking realize this.

It's a harsh reality realizing you'd do just about anything for someone,
and they still wouldn't lift a finger.

(Because this stranger asked)
I'm Lucy;
It's hard for me to forget things that have mattered in the past. I forgive too easily. I sing random songs about random things without a care in the world. I live off of coffee and queso, I'm currently on a diet though so queso is forbidden. Belle and Maya are my little loves and If you don't like them, I won't like you. Justin is pretty cool but he's also expensive and fully belongs to Courtney, I'm just leasing him. You probably can't find my primary tickle spot, nor will I admit to it if you do. I work a lot, but I make bank. I buy expensive things too often, but I love them. I'm currently learning to let go and trust again. My heart is in the process of mending. I fear change. I hate being hated, I love too fiercely for my own good. 98% of the people in my life let me down. I expect promises to be broken. I bend over backwards for those I care about. I love the outdoors. The easiest way to piss me off is to push me in a pool or pull me into the shower and fuck up my hair. I take a lot of baths, and I'm a quoteaholic. Circa Survive is love. I know too much about motorcycles and I have no need for it. Mini Coopers are also love. I make a terrible first impression. I'm stubborn and I'm kind of addicted to pogo. My eating habits are shit. I buy a new phone every two months because I tend to wear them down too quickly. Slow computers really piss me off, and yes I'm a MAC person. I tend to contradict myself. Just because I asked you to leave doesn't mean I want you gone. It's the simple things in life that matter. I make up words with meanings you probably won't understand. I try too hard. I dream of the impossible and talk nonsense while drunk. I've been through a lot but it's only made me a stronger person. I'm extremely ambitious and honestly... I've always believed, even when I deny it.

The paragraph was not meant to flow, just an fyi.

WTF

I got a nasty phone call from my step mother EARLY this morning, not even on my phone! She had the nerve to call Sean's phone. (I am getting my blackberry in a few hours)

She made me late for work over a god damn facebook status that was an inside joke between Sean, Sean's awkward roomate, and myself that read;

"Hey Jeff, would you ever think I would have a priest for a father?"
"It's possible..."
"Well, I did. Then he had an affair HAHAH."

DEAR LISA,
I AM SORRY YOU MARRIED A MAN THAT HAD AN AFFAIR AND LEFT HIS FAMILY. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE TRYING TO HIDE IT FROM THE WORLD

God damn. This is not the first time that she has started hell over a Facebook status. I would delete her but she would make a huge deal about it. I'll admit the status was a little on edge and I wouldn't have posted it or really thought it was funny if I hadn't been drunk, but regardless. She needs to stay out of my damn business.

:)
K cool.

I am so tempted;

In Fear And Faith

Can we last through the winter?
The water's starting to freeze.
The only one who remembers
Taking the wrong step, falling in front of me.
This body's already aging.
These nights are all ready long.
And if I last through the winter,
I swear to you now, I won't call.

Congratulations, go home now.

Will we last through the winter?
Will we make it to see?
I never wanted a partner and I never loved you,
Now you are free to leave.
This heart is already frozen,
I can't remember to fall.
And if I last through the winter,
I swear to you now, I won't call.

Congratulations, go home now.

It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.
Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.
It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.
Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It must be buried under the heart
That makes this pace consistent.
You'll find it torn, that gate's been opened?
I've been wondering if you've been real with us.

It's too late
It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.
Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.
It's too late, it's too late, they won't let go.
Follow five footsteps through that open door, open door.

It's start, stop and go you've been dying for, you've been dying for.

Letting go.

Over all, I am fine. I am breathing, smiling, living. Over all, I am a strong girl with a big heart Over all, I seem to be okay with letting go. Over all this, over all that... but sometimes, it just shatters. My world crashes down and the my heart sinks. But I'm trying, god am I trying.

I guess I am just drunk and overwhelmed;
I got into an argument and felt my body tense up as it used to months ago. I sat curled up on the floor waiting to be slapped in the face, or for my lungs to cave in under the pressure of stronger hands. But It never came. Instead, a soft touch on my back. Followed by a, "Lucy baby it's me, I am not going to hurt you.. you are okay. We can get through this." I cried, I fucking bawled. I shouldn't be this way, I haven't always been this way, and he knows it. Sean tells me this all the time, yet there is so much I still don't understand, so much I have left to work through. I'm finally coming to the realization that I've been in denial for the past month that what happened in my past relationship was not okay. I've thrown it aside, and just not dealt with any of the underlying issues. Finally, though, it's all starting to surface.. just way too fast.

Water soothes me as it did my mother. I am trying to stay calm, trying to realize that I am worth it. I do deserve this happy, healthy relationship. I am trying not to let my two year burden ruin everything, as it has once before. I am a good person, I am a good girlfriend. I will be okay.

" And I'll send you your way, so you'll see why I love you."