Slightly intoxicated

for the first time in two weeks, its nice.

Tim called me today from rehab in New York. Of course my phone died right in the middle of the conversation, but I hope he is doing alright. It's good he's finally in rehab, even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be there.

I spent way too much money today, but whatever.
$350-something... woohoo

I need sleep.
God I wish smirnoff didn't have so many damn calories.

sound familiar?

Just one more moment

That’s all that’s needed
Like wounded soldiers
In need of healing
Time to be honest
This time I’m bleeding
please don’t dwell on it
Cuz I didn't mean it

I can’t believe I said I’d lay our love on the ground
but it doesn’t matter cuz I’ve made it up
Forgive me now
Everyday I spend away
My soul’s inside out
Gotta be someway that I can
Make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you know that
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to
And I’d fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'll always come for you

I was blindfolded
But now I’m seeing
My mind was closing
Now I’m believing
I finally know just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if you’re ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

By now you know that
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to
And I’d fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I’ll always come for you
You know I’ll always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember
You know I’ll always come for you

Yes I’d come for you
No one but you,
Yes I’d come for you
But only if you told me to

And I’d fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I’ll always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember
You know I’ll always come for you

I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember
You know I’ll always come for you
You know I’ll always come for you

The Number 3.

Yesterday the scale I was weighed on (while fully dressed) was 3 pounds over the zero line (like before I even stepped on the scale), plus the fucking nurse added 3 pounds to my actual weight, because I was 3 pounds within that HUGE NUMBER.

I wanted to die right then and there.
...and slap the shit out of her.

I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT GOD DAMN NUMBER EVER A-FUCKING-GIN.

Thankfully I spent 50 some-odd dollars on diet pills today.

I'm fat, fat, fat.
FAT. FAT. F A T.

I had Maya with me out at the barn yesterday, kind of risky but whatever.

When she went with me to catch my horse some of the bigger dogs were chasing her, playfully, and the little twerp ran straight into the round pen and jumped in a water trough. Yes, my 2.5 pound chihuahua jumped into a water trough. It was hilarious, and the first time I've really laughed in a week. She came out soaked, and without a care in the would.

Fitting.

I don't care about the run on sentence, ps.
("my" horse, aka the horse I was riding for clarification since some people .. ah nevermind)

I desperately need to get outside.

I need to think, I need clear my mind.

(I need, I need, I need.)

I suppose I'll go hike the greenbelt tomorrow...
or maybe I'll take a few days and go to the beach.
Thank god for days off of work.

(Can I rewind time, please?)

I've come to find that I'm never able to live in the moment. I'm always focused on the past or the future. I need to work on the now. There may never be a better time than the present.

I'm aware my entry doesn't flow, it's jotted down in pieces. I really don't care.

...I hope you know that somebody loves you

Everything